Suspension Report Part 1

Last year, many of us fell victim to the Adrian Peterson experience. AP, for many, was a top pick in last years fantasy football draft and for good reason. We are all now experts with the story of the whole child abuse and suspension from the league. Yes it was a big deal in the NFL, but an even bigger deal for the fantasy football world. It challenged our morals by having us think “This child abuser shouldn’t be allowed to play, but  f*%$ he’s on my fantasy team”.

Now imagine if you had been warned about this; would it have swayed your mind in drafting him (probably not)? More than likely suspensions are going to be a part of the NFL this year. No doubt one of our fantasy studs will fall victim to league suspension, causing us panic and worst of all the playoffs hopes. We at the fantasyreaList have done our investigative research to find out those players who have the best chance of suspension for various reasons.

Here is part I of the suspension lookout list. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

Philip Rivers – QB San Diego Chargers

Cause of suspension: Road Rage

 Come on…. we all saw this coming. Family, friends and teammates already knew this day would come. One day someone will cut him off, Rivers will rear end them, run to his trunk for a golf club and go bananas. He will have to go to anger management and miss some games. He is already a hot head on the field, but we all know road rage brings a different side to us all.

Chances of suspension: 61%. Will he beat a man to death, probably not. Will he threaten a man’s life for flipping him off on the 5, possibly. Expect this to happen after a 4 INT game and loss to Jay Cutler.

 

Rob Gronkowski – TE New England Patriots

Cause of Suspension: Sky’s the limit

Here are some scenarios we would not at all be surprised to find Gronk in. Drunk or urinating in public at Disneyland. Caught sleeping with and providing alcohol to minors at a high school dance. Naked in Times Square at 5AM trying to hump a police horse.Emptying his entire life savings at the local strip joint and causing a riot. Stealing a DeLorean and driving it 88 MPH in a school zone to see if you can travel back through time to save his buddy Aaron Hernandez. None of this would cause us to say, “WTF is he thinking”… instead we say that’s just Gronk doing Gronk things.

Chances of suspension: 59%. Just so many things are possible with this man. He seems to have it in control for now, but what if he does see a DeLorean in the street?

 

Russell Wilson – QB Seattle Seahawks

Cause of suspension: Prostitution

For those who are not caught up with TMZ, Russell Wilson and current girlfriend Ciara have decided to wait until marriage to have sex. So we’re expected to believe that the star QB of the Seahawks, who sees this gorgeous African goddess everyday, is just going to take a cold shower. There’s already stories out there that Wilson has been known to sleep with women and then send them bible verses on the regular. I’m sure if Wilson wanted to satisfy his needs, he can pick up any of his groupies in Seattle, BUT he needs this to be classified and the safest way to do that is to hire a professional.

Chances of suspension: 37%. Wilson is 99% going to hire a prostitute, but getting caught is another story, these girls are professionals.

Odell Beckham Jr. – WR New York Giants

Cause of suspension: Foreign Substance in gloves

No way in hell are you making catches like this on the regular. If he hasn’t been tested of substances, then he should be immediately. I’m guessing the mastermind behind all this is Eli Manning because Eli knows he can’t throw and so do his receivers, but somehow NYG receivers make amazing catch after amazing catch (see David Tyree helmet catch). So Eli sends his WRs to his HGH (Human Glue Hands) guy and Eli no longer has to worry about being accurate. This WILL be the next controversial issue in the NFL “Gluegate”.

Chances of suspension: 90%. Either OBJ has the greatest hands in the world or we have “Gluegate” conspiracy. My theory is Peyton is helping Eli with what to do because not sure if little brother Eli has the brains for the operation. Now Eli can continue to throw with his eyes closed.

Trent Richardson – RB Oakland Raiders

Cause of suspension: Robbery

He’s been a criminal for years now, taking money that he does not deserve or worked for. One team (Browns) found out he was stealing, swept it under the rug and pawned him over to another team. That team (Colts) finally realized they were dealt a dirty little thief and sent him on his way. Now he is back to his old ways of taking money he hasn’t earned, but now from the Raiders. This might be the year the NFL finally catches on to this embezzling criminal disguising as a running back.

Chances of suspension: 19%. He hasn’t been caught yet and many of these white collar criminals never get caught. He will continue to embezzle money from these teams who are fooled by this criminal in a running back’s body.

PART II Coming Soon

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